The elder, to my dear friend Gaius, whom I love in the truth.[1] Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you. They have told the church about your love. Please send them on their way in a manner that honors God. It was for the sake of the Name that they went out, receiving no help from those outside the church. We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth.
The Middle East viewed hospitality as a key virtue. Because inns were usually of poor quality and often doubled as brothels, Christians who opened their homes to other Christians weren’t just saving people money; they were helping to guard their hearts.
9 I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first,[2] will not welcome us. 10 So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us.[3] Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other [missionaries/evangelists]. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
11 Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. 12 Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone—and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true.
Demetrius probably took the letter to Gaius. He stands in contrast to Diotrephes as good does to evil. He has three witnesses to his character (which is what was needed in Jewish law to establish truth): his brethren all give him a good report, the Spirit of truth (the Holy Spirit), and John.
13 I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. 14 I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.
Diotrephes and Demetrius
I grew up reading Goofus and Gallant, I think maybe in Highlights? They were a kid-level version of a contrast between what it looks like to be a decent human being vs. being a selfish jerk. Goofus loved to be first and often did malicious nonsense. John offers here an an early version of that in which the stakes are much higher.
Loves to serve vs. loves to be first.
You know how the love of money is the root of all evil?[4] It’s not the money. It’s the love of it, craving it and getting it all cost, letting it control you, sacrificing others for it. This is the idea here. “Loves to be first” isn’t a slam on being first. Someone has to be first in a lot of situations. It’s not that. It’s craving it, getting it at all cost, letting it control you, sacrificing others for it.
It’s the difference between wanting your voice to be heard vs. demanding that your voice drown out all others.
It’s the different between wanting to be seen vs. constantly bullying your way to the front.
It’s the difference between wanting to express a subjective opinion vs. shouting it until everyone else shuts up.
It’s the difference between leading as a servant vs. leading as a dictator.
I think the antidote to this kind of narcissism[5] (I think that’s probably an assessment that’s at least in the ballpark of what I just described) is humility and empathy[6], which looks something like this:
1. Understanding Others (seeking to know and not just be known)
2. Developing Others (helping others to flourish as God intends)
3. Having a Service Orientation (having a heart to serve as Jesus served us)
4. Reading The Room (working on sensing and responding to emotional and relational undercurrents so we can tailor our approach to the person(s) or situation. Confrontation or consolation? Just listen or solve the problem? What way does the scales tip in this moment as we balance truth and grace? Is it time to drop the topic or press in?).[7]
I don’t think it’s a bad idea to analyze ourselves and see if we are practicing to become the kind of person we are called to be – one who is characterized by humility and righteous empathy
Inhospitable vs. hospitable
The word is taken from two Greek words: philo (love) and xenia (strangers). Hospitality is specifically a friendship love for those whom we don’t know well.[8] (In this case, it is specifically referring to a church hospitality to traveling missionaries or evangelists which would include a kind of stated approval of their mission). Other places in the Bible, beginning in the Old Testament, followers of God are commanded to be hospitable in a general, corporate sense. It is just part of being a decent human being.
[Hospitality] is not something above and beyond the call of duty. It is a command; not to be hospitable is a sin. This is taught in the beautiful and telling parable of the Good Samaritan.. Christ taught that hospitality is a mark of the genuineness of our Christian confession. On the judgment day, Christ will say, “Come you who are blessed of my Father … For I was a stranger, and you invited me in,” or “Depart from me… for I was a stranger, and you did not invite me in” (Matthew 25).[9]
Inhospitality is, I think, a natural rotten fruit of narcissism or pride. If all you think about is yourself, you won’t even think of others. If you do, you consider them beneath you – which is probably their fault, right? Why would you serve the underserving? The inhospitable refuse to serve others with their actions, their words, their resources, and their power. They will not give; even worse, they are likely to take away.
Yes, there are times helping/serving can become enabling. Let’s save that discussion for Message+. This message is focusing on the orientation of our heart in general.
The hospitable, on the other hand, love to find ways to serve others and make them feel welcome to whatever degree it is wise and appropriate to do so. This is not less than sharing resources and space, but it’s certainly more. It has to do with giving our lives so that others might flourish not just physically but spiritually.
“After looking at the examples we see in Scripture, the epistles from the Apostle John, and the implications from these examples we can formally define biblical hospitality as: The welcoming and fellowshipping with believers and non-believers out of truth and love for Jesus Christ so that they may see Christ more clearly and/or so they will join us as believers.”[10]
It’s probably no surprise that the arrogant person who is inhospitable talks malicious nonsense/evil slander/wicked words vs. speaks life-giving truth.
How do you keep all the attention if you are a narcissist? How can you keep all your stuff if you are inhospitable? Simple. Make sure you convince others that anyone who steals your spotlight or wants your stuff is a fool at best or evil at worst.
I mean, if people are evil fools, you dare not give them the spotlight or “enable” them. The ‘righteous’ thing to do is neither help them nor hear them. You might even be thought of as discerning if you dedicate yourself to showing how everyone else – and I mean everyone - is wrong at best and dangerous at worst.
That’s how cults start, by the way:[11] when only the self-appointed leader is right about everything, when only the gatekeeper has any idea how to set up the gates well, when everyone else is an idiot. If you look up characteristics of cults, this will show up in reference to how leaders operate with their authority.
Questions, doubt, and dissent about the group or its leaders are discouraged or even punished. If you need clarification, you lack commitment.
The group has a polarizing us-versus-them mentality in which everyone else is the enemy. There is a constant circling of the wagons amidst a growing number of enemies. (And as John shows, it’s not just a dynamic with those outside the church; it’s a dynamic that can happen inside the church).
The leader is not accountable to any authority, and refuses to learn from others.
Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends – anything that might compete for loyalty or puts them in a situation where they might find out the leader’s opinion might be wrong or that his reputation might not be above reproach.
To have that kind of power, a leader (David Koresh and Jim Jones are probably the two most famous in the United States) must paint a never ending and overwhelming view of a monstrous world with monstrous people (both inside and outside the church) in which only a leader like Koresh or Jones is good enough and true enough to lead us to some type of Promised Land.
The first part of that claim is just false; all of us are fallen; all of us are flawed. The fault line between good and evil runs through every heart. The second part is nonsense. There was and is and will be only one perfect human who can lead us to the true Promised Land, and that’s Jesus.
What is the antidote? Speak life-giving truth with humble honesty.
· Build others up with our words
· Learn and teach the Scripture
· Commit ourselves a true view of the world.
· Take ourselves off of every pedestal
· Learn from our church family no matter our position
· Applaud those who speak life-giving truth with humble honesty.
· Don’t be afraid of the monsters. God is bigger than the boogeyman! #veggietales
Hates competition vs. loves cooperation
This shouldn’t be a shock based on what we’ve covered so far. It’s one thing to exercise care over what voices are given access to a church. That’s a biblical responsibility. It’s another thing to refuse to play well with any other follower of Jesus.
Surely – surely – there are a lot of God-fearing people outside our church. Dare I say millions? Tens of millions? Surely there are pastors, teachers, singers, theologians, philosophers, bloggers, writers, podcasters that have really good things to say about our faith. You are going to separate wheat from chaff in all of them, but that’s true here too. It’s just life on this side of heaven.
I am not in competition with or set against those who plant wheat well albeit imperfectly. We are on the same team, with the same goal. Once again, Message+ is the place for us to talk more about those whose chaff drowns out their wheat, or who are actively planting tares (fake wheat).[12]
Now, I admit, I find myself cautious in terms of people and organizations with which I want to publicly align, and I find myself cautious about connecting our church with people and organizations with which we lack some kind of first hand knowledge. I don’t want to be stingy, but I also want to be wise. In today’s online world, we can end up aligning ourselves with a good thing that’s part of bigger not-so-good thing. It can be tricky and frustrating.
I don’t want to send a message that everyone who cries “Lord, Lord,” is going to give us Kingdom gold.[13] That’s not biblical. There are charlatans and fools who use our faith as a mean of… charlatanry?… and foolishness; there are simply misguided people who have fallen into serious error not because their hearts were bad, but their formation was compromised.
But I also don't want to send a message that everyone in the family of God who is not exactly like us is suspect. That’s just not biblical either. We are part of a church universal, a church with Holy-Spirit filled and biblically formed followers of Jesus who close their hands around the same cornerstones of theology and appropriately hold a lot of things in open hands. (See our Statement of Faith for reference to our church’s biblical foundations.)[i]
Revelation is a good example, btw. I posted some comments about Revelation and promptly started getting recommendations on what to read. It’s different from what I read. That’s okay. We all close our hand around the core message: “Life is hard. God is with us. Evil will not have the last word, as God will wrap up history on His triumphal terms.” Any discussion we have about numbers and symbols and dragons is informative and (hopefully) helpful in leading us toward better understanding of how Revelation points us toward the hope that we have in Christ, but God forbid it divide us. It’s not a competition to be right.
One day, we will be able to look back at how we all thought of end times stuff and say, “You nailed it!” or “That was a sketchy reading!” and we will all laugh and hug and move on because it won’t matter at that point. It’s not a competition on secondary things. It’s an opportunity for practice in cooperation as we walk together deeper into the truth of God’s word.
Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good.
#practicerighteousness
Pray that God will :
· strengthen our humility
· enlarge our hospitality
· guide our ability to speak life-giving truth vs. malicious talk
· practice wise cooperation
Then, look for opportunities to put this into practice.
_____________________________________________________________________
[1] Either “whom I truly love” or a statement meaning “whom I love as one who, like me, remains faithful to the gospel.”
[2] Highest honor is not supposed to attach to power but to humility and servanthood (Matthew 18:3; 23:11).
[3] The word used here occurs nowhere else in N.T. It means ‘to talk non-sense.’ It’s conversation that is both wicked and senseless.
[4] 1 Timothy 6:10
[5] https://www.compellingtruth.org/Bible-narcissism.html
[6] https://www.compellingtruth.org/Bible-empathy.html
[7] I am paraphrasing a list from David Goleman.
[8] Great article here: https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/hospitality/
[9] Read the entire (really good) article from which the excerpt was taken here: https://www.christianstudylibrary.org/article/biblical-basis-hospitality
[10] http://www.doctrineanddevotion.com/blog/what-exactly-is-biblical-hospitality
[11] The following is from http://cultresearch.org/help/characteristics-associated-with-cults/
[12] Matthew 13:24-30
[13] Matthew 7
[i] STATEMENT OF FAITH
The Bible: We believe the Holy Bible to be the inspired Word of God, inerrant in its original manuscripts. It is our standard for faith and practice and the measure by which all of life and personal revelation is to be evaluated. (2 Timothy 3:15-17; 1 Thessalonians 2:13; 2 Peter 1:21)
The Triune God: We believe that there is one God (Deuteronomy 6:4), eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit (John 8:54-59). God is perfect in holiness, infinite in wisdom, and measureless in power.
God (The Father): He is Creator, Redeemer and the Sovereign Ruler of the universe. We believe that God is omnipotent (He can do anything that can be done), omniscient (He knows anything that can be known), omnipresent (there is no place or circumstance of which God is unaware or in which he is not active), and unchanging. He upholds all things by the Word of His power and grace, exercising sovereignty over all creation. He made all things for the praise of His glory and intends for people to live in fellowship with Himself. (Deuteronomy 33:27; Psalm 90:2, 102:27; John 3:16, 4:24; Colossians 1:17; Hebrews 1:3; I Timothy 1:17; Titus 1:3).
God (The Son, Jesus Christ): We believe in the historical reality of Jesus Christ as the only incarnation of God. We believe in His deity, His virgin birth (Matthew 1:18-23), His sinless life (Hebrews 7:26; 1 Peter 2:22), His miracles (Acts 2:22; Acts 10:38), His substitutionary death (1 Corinthians 15:3; 2 Corinthians 5:21), His bodily resurrection from the dead (Matthew 28:6; Luke 24:39; 1 Corinthians 15:4), His ascension to the right hand of the Father (Acts 1:9; Acts 1:11; Acts 2:33; Philippians 2:9-11; Hebrews 1:3), His intercession for the sins of His people (1 Timothy 2:5-6), and His future personal return in power and glory (Acts 1:10-11).
God (the Holy Spirit): We believe that the Holy Spirit indwells believers (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), confirming their salvation (Romans 8:14-16) and enabling them to bear godly fruit (Galatians 5:22). We believe that the Holy Spirit convicts the world concerning sin, righteousness, and judgment (John 16:8). The Holy Spirit also empowers believers to have a bold and effective witness (i.e Luke 12:12), so He manifests His gifts in their daily lives for the edification of the church and as a testimony to the world.
The fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) is the result of a Spirit-filled life, and evidence of spiritual maturity. True followers of God will be known by their fruit (Matthew 7:16).
The gifts of the Spirit are different manifestations of the Spirit to build up the body (Isaiah 11:5; I Corinthians 12:1-11). They ought always directly point people toward God (John 15:26; John 16:13-14). We are instructed to diligently seek the gifts (I Corinthians 12:31, 14:1), but they must be exercised in an orderly and understandable way (I Corinthians 14:26-33) and used in the context of love (I Corinthians 13:1-13), lest our expression cause others to stumble (1 Corinthians 8). We have different gifts given as the Holy Spirit wills, and the gifts must be expressed in love, sincerity, and in a way which honors others above ourselves (Romans 12:1-10).
Sin: We believe that we sin (i.e, “hamartia,” in Romans 3:23, and “chata” in Judges 20:16 and Exodus 20:20) when we disobey the commands of God’s inspired Word and reject His authority All of us have sinned and are therefore, in our natural state, lost and separated from God. We believe men and women were created in the image of God (Genesis 2:26). However, by a voluntary act of the will, Adam and Eve disobeyed God (Genesis 3:6). As a result, mankind began to die spiritually (Romans 5:12-19). Sin separated humankind from God (Ephesians 2:11-18) and left us in a fallen or sinful condition (Romans 3:23; Genesis 1:26,27; Genesis 2:17; Genesis 3:6; Romans 5:12-19).
Salvation: We believe that God the Father showed His love for all people by sending His Son to die as a substitutionary sacrifice for our sins. (Luke 18:27; John 3:16,17; Romans 11:33; 1 Peter 1:16; 1 John 4:7-10; Revelation 4:8)
We believe Jesus’ death paid the penalty our sins warranted, and His resurrection grants us the life we could not attain – both of these being necessary to reconcile us to right-standing before God. (Matthew 16:16,17 and 25:31-46; Mark 14:61,62; Luke 1:34,35 and 2:7; John 1:1 and 1:14 and 5:22-30 and 10:30 and 14:6; Acts 4:12; 1 Corinthians 15:3-8; Hebrews 4:15; 1 Peter 2:22-24.) It is not through our efforts (Acts 4:12; John 3:3; Romans 10:13-15; Ephesians 2:8; Titus 2:11; Titus 3:5-7). When we admit our sin, confess that Jesus is Lord, and repent, we become a new creation and are gradually transformed into the image of Christ (Galatians 5:22, 23; 2 Corinthians 5:17; 2 Corinthians 3:18)
Eternal Destiny: We believe in the resurrection of the saved and the lost, and that both will stand before the judgment seat of Christ; the saved will enter into everlasting life in God’s presence, and the lost will be sent into everlasting death, devoid of the presence of God. (Matthew 25:31-46; Mark 9:43-48; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Revelation 19:20; Revelation 20:11-15; Revelation 21:8).
The Church: We believe that the Church is Christ’s symbolic body in the earth (Colossians 1:24; 1 Corinthians 12:27), and that it should reveal His character, His message, and His love to the world. We believe that the Church is to go into all the world, preach the gospel, and make disciples. This will lead people to have fellowship with God (Acts 1:8; Matthew 28:19,20; Mark 16:15,16) and community with others (1 Corinthians 12:13).
Human Life: We believe that all human life is sacred and created by God in His image (Genesis 1:27). Human life is of inestimable worth in all its dimensions, including pre-born babies, the aged, the physically or mentally challenged, and every other stage or condition from conception through natural death. We are therefore called to defend, protect, and value all human life. (Psalm 139)
Marriage and Sexuality: We believe that God wonderfully and immutably creates each person as male or female. Together they reflect the image and nature of God (Genesis 1:26-27). Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman as delineated in Scripture (Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:5-6). It is intended to be a covenant by which they unite themselves for life in a single, exclusive union, ordered toward the well-being of the spouses and designed to be the environment for the procreation and upbringing of children.
Baptism: In New Testament times, baptism followed repentance and faith. (Acts 2:38; Acts 18:8) This public witness marked the believer as a follower of Christ. It is an act of obedience symbolizing the believer's faith in a crucified, buried, and risen Savior, the believer's death to sin, the burial of the old life, and the resurrection to walk in newness of life in Christ Jesus. Simply stated, it is an outward sign of an inward change. Baptism also symbolizes the believer’s union with Christ (Romans 6:3-4; Galatians 3:27).