Last year we talked about how church is an impossible community. It’s just a way of saying the assemblage of people who congregate together in a church is s counterintuitive, at least culturally, and we are no exception. This is as old as the first churches.
In a world where male/female, slave/free, Jew/Gentile marked huge cultural divides, the church was full of all of them. Zealots (insurrectionists) and Pharisees (who worked with Rome) broke bread together with tax collectors and Roman soldiers and Jewish slaves. Paul no doubt did church with families of people his persecution impacted. Read the letters in the New Testament and look at what spiritual and relational issues were challenging churches.
It should have been impossible. But it wasn’t. Part of the beauty of the gospel message was the Jesus came to tear down barriers between people (Ephesians 2:14), to remind us through his actions and teachings that in Christ there is a new kind of humanity that arises (Ephesians 2:11-13), one meant to baffle and compel a watching and skeptical world. “How does this happen? Jesus who? Tell me more…” It’s meant to baffle and compel those on the outside… and create a holy and compelling space for those inside.
That’s hard, y’all. The things we don’t want to do, we do; the things we know we should do, we don’t[1]. #paulsproblem Add to that the principalities and powers aligned against us[2], and it’s hard. But Paul also added that Jesus can give us victory in the midst of that struggle. When God calls us to be a particular kind of people, He equips us to be that kind of people: His Word guides us; His Spirit indwells us; His people surround us. And it’s still hard, but not actually impossible.
As we start 2022, I want to focus on a really practical way in which we can live together as this new humanity in a way that I believe is compelling and beautiful and necessary if we are to experience life in the Kingdom of God within the local church as God intended.
I recently ran across the phrase “holding space.” It’s not a new phrase, but it was to me. I was describing some counseling/mentoring I had received in which the other person simply spent time with me, and in that space I found a lot of help and healing and growth simply because someone “held space” with me and listened.
To be sure, this person was a pastor, and my chaotic emotions and thoughts wrestled with life but from a biblical view of the world we both shared. Though he was usually silent, he was not always silent (I would ask him to reflect on what I said and advise me when I was stuck). And in that space the Holy Spirit did a work.
When I found out this was called “holding space” (or was at least a way to do it) I started reading up on the term. I realized two things.
First, I love the idea. It’s the kind of commitment almost anyone can make to another person because you don’t need to bring anything other than yourself. It’s what Job’s friends did right. When Jesus asked his disciples to go with him to the Garden, he said, “Sit here as I pray.” Basically, you just say, “I can be with you. I can sit with you. I can set aside space in my life just to be present with you to see and hear and know you.” The Bible talks about time when we will fully know God as we are fully known[3], and I think that phrases captures a longing of the human heart not just with God but with others: to be known and loved, the more fully the better.
It’s a way in which we love. My wife and I both feel like we didn’t love each other like we thought we did when we got married because we didn't know each other like we thought we did. We knew in part and loved in part. Over the past 31 years, knowing has increased, and with that knowing has come the opportunity to love more deeply and fully. So I love the idea of holding space. It’s a love language.
Second, I realized I was not completely satisfied with simply “holding space.” I love it as a page or chapter in the story of our relationship with other people – in fact, if we rip that page out, the story is incomplete. But the whole story – and genuine relationship – is more complicated than that.
“Holding space,’’ at least the way it is generally presented, is a neutral experience of presence and an affirmation of the other’s existence. Once again, a beautiful thing. I don't mean to be critical of that.
But I have discovered that, as a Christian, I need spaces that are not neutral. Why? Because I need someone who speaks truth into my life (with grace), someone who loves me and is committed to my growth, who lovingly challenges me, who actively affirms me, who lovingly points out my weaknesses, lovingly doesn’t let my sin slide.
I asked my pastor/mentor/friend to, at times, step out of his role of merely holding space and step into the role of filling the space with elements that may have been lacking. As much as the Holy Spirit used the space and my friend’s silent presence to do a work in me, the Holy Spirit was at work in my friend to, and he had things to offer that I was too thick to see.
So I found myself with some tension: I loved the quiet, non-judgmental, life-affirming presence of my friend (it was safe, which was very important to me), but because I knew he had godly wisdom, and he cared about me, I wanted him to speak godly truth into my life, whether to affirm or to challenge where I was going.
Instead of “holding space” with people, I wonder what it looks like for Christians to create “holy space” with people. It’s going to include “holding space,” but it’s going to be more. Let’s call this “holding spaces in holy places.”
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Let’s clarify terms. Biblically speaking, when something is holy it is simply ‘set apart for God’s purpose.’ It occurs over 400 times in the Old Testament alone. It includes terms translated as “consecrated, ”“dedicated,” “hallowed,” “sanctuary.” God and His name are holy; so are people, and places, and land, and food, and clothing, and just stuff. Let’s not make the term overly mystical as if there is a glow around it. It simply means that God has set apart something for a special purpose. It’s his territory. God has staked claim on it. It’s like a pearl that is not to be cast before pigs, or something sacred given to dogs (Matthew 7:6). It’s to be kept pure, untarnished or unmixed with vulgar things.
So when I talk about being in “Holy Space” with people, I mean setting apart a space (time, place, presence, etc.) for a godly purpose. It will be hallowed time, a consecrated experience.
Next, who we are. #identity
As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him - you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ… But you are a chosen people (select for special service), a royal priesthood, a holynation, acquired as God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:4-9)
We are always on sacred mission. Where we are, God’s presence is embodied. We like to say that we are the hands and feet of Jesus because the church is a type of incarnation modeled after the Incarnation. We aren't Jesus, but we are ambassadors whose presence is meant to represent Jesus. Where we are, there is a spiritual house, because we as individuals build the church. Where we are, there is a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are now intrinsically and inescapably set apart for the work and purposes of God. We are set apart, holy people wherever we go and whatever we do.
In the Old Testament, though God’s presence was everywhere, there were places treated as “hot spots” of God’s glory, places that God specifically claimed as his own and insisted be respected. Two times in the Old Testament, people were told to take off their shoes because they were on Holy Ground. People speculate about what this means:
a token of respect and submission
symbolically putting off the earthly or profane. Don’t drag in common dust and trample around like you own the place. It’s God property.
forfeiting rights (Jewish people claimed land with shoes)
a sign we have come home[4]
a reminder to stay in God’s presence rather than wander
I like them all. And now, in the New Covenant, we are God’s property, set aside for God’s purposes. So, because God has set us aside for His purposes,
our body is set aside (holy) for His purposes
our words are set aside (holy) for His purposes
our attitudes, thoughts and presence are set aside (holy) for His purposes.
When we go into a space, that space becomes set aside (holy) for God’s purposes.
I say all that just to establish the profound reality of who we are when Christ is in us. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is a profound reality.
Now, back to “holding space”. How do holy people “hold space” in this eve present Holy Space in which we live?
First, you just have to bring yourself. This is part of the beauty of this idea. You don’t need to have a special set of skills. Your presence is sufficient. If you can just sit with someone and say, “I’m here. I see you,” you’re good. Watch a movie, sip coffee, fish, do a puzzle, play dominoes, sit by a bedside, hang out with another parent at the Germ Tree, take a walk, nap on a beach…so many ways. Sometimes it will be really purposeful – “I need to talk” – but sometimes it’s just, “Want to hang out?” David Augsburger wrote, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.” I think that’s true of being seen as well, which is part of being known…
Second, practice seeing, hearing, and knowing. Jesus was really good at that.[5] The language of Scripture when applied to Jesus almost always suggests something more profound than using his senses. There was something soul-searching about those actions when he did them. God may grant you Holy-Spirit inspired insight into people, but I think more often than not God grants us this kind of sight through patience, time and presence. It’s taking the time to listen and know. It’s learning about family of origin, traumatic and beautiful life experiences, triggering language, what was spiritually nurturing or spiritually wounding, personality types, love languages, quirks…. If that sounds like a lot, it is. It’s okay. It’s one of the most important investments you can make in the process of building true community.
Third, be okay with times of mere presence. “Holding space” in the way I just described has not been written on every page in our life stories, but I hope it’s on some pages. I hope you have written that page for others at times. It’s okay to hear and see the best and worst of someone and simply say, “I love you and God loves you.” That can be enough for a moment. It’s the opportunity to validate the fact that an image bearer of God sits with you, that their life has eternal worth, that you see and care about them simply because they exist. Many times, the only thing we need to “fix” for someone is the empty, lonely space around them.
Fourth, pray for wisdom as to when it’s time for input. There is something to be said about knowing when to hold ‘em and knowing when to fold ‘em. Not every moment is a time to speak; not every moment is a time to be silent. Sometimes we must be blunt so truth lands hard; sometimes we must be gentle so truth whispers. One thing I love about the model of Jesus is how he was so adept in the moment with the individual.
Pharisees? “Brood of vipers.” The teacher of the Law in Mark 12? “You are not far from the kingdom of God.”
To Peter: “Get behind me, Satan!” When Peter fell asleep in the Garden of Gethsemene: “I know you spirit is willing...”
David caught in adultery: “Thou are the man!” Woman caught in adultery: “What, no accusers anymore? I’m not here to accuse you either. But don’t do that anymore.”
There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to being a truthful presence with people. We can tend to think, “That blunt person is the right example!” or “That diplomatic person is the right way!” This is not an either/or approach. Both can be right at the right time, and in the right way. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pitchers of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11) There will be a time to be a truthful presence. Pray that you can build that truth wisely on a foundation of love.
1. Shake the dust off your world-walking shoes.
We we can have the best intent in being present in other people’s lives, but – here me out - we take ourselves wherever we go. We will never be perfect – we’ve got to let that standard go – but the Bible gives us really good insight into how to be present with others in a way that sets us apart as holy people. That means differentiating between what a holy approach looks like vs. one soiled by the dust of the world. I’m pulling all of this from Ephesians 4.
“Live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, 2 #holy with all humility (not full of yourself) and gentleness (constrained power), with patience (long-tempered[6]), persisting with one another in agape love, 3fully applying yourself to preserving the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (a shared identity that produces harmony) (Ephesians 4:1-3).
Speaking the truth in love[7] (v.15)… Each one of you speak the truth (reality) with his neighbor (v.25) let no unwholesome (rotten; unfit for use) word come out of your mouth; say what is good[8] for building[9] others up according to their needs (v.29), kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you. (v.32)
Put away all bitterness (rooted and ‘fruited’ anger)[10], wrath (hostilely vented anger), anger (simmering disposition bent on revenge), clamor (screaming and shrieking), and slanderous talk (blasphemy; switching right and wrong) —indeed all malice (desire to injure) (v.31)
Be kind (eternally useful) and compassionate to one another (gut-level sympathy), forgiving each other (extend favor or grace that cancels debt), just as in Christ God forgave you.
If this is our goal? That’s the kind of holy place in which we would all like to share space. “Thy Kingdom come; they will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.”
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[1] Romans 7:15-20
[2] Ephesians 6:12
[3] 1 Corinthians 13:12
[5] Matthew 9:36, John 5:6, Mark 10:21, John 1:48. “He sees the faith of a paralyzed man and the friends who brought him to Jesus: “When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the man, ‘Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven’”. Next, Jesus saw Matthew, the tax collector-turned-disciple: “‘Follow me,’ He told him, and Matthew got up and followed Him”. Then, in the midst of a crowd, a bleeding woman touches just His cloak and finds herself healed: “Jesus turned and saw her. ‘Take heart, daughter,’ He said, ‘your faith has healed you’”. Finally, Jesus saw the crowd of people who had come to hear Him preach the Good News and receive healing. Verse 36 says, “When He saw the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dejected, like a sheep without a shepherd.” https://youngadults.lifeway.com/2020/01/do-you-see-like-jesus-sees/
[6] Slow to anger does not mean there is no placer for anger. See v. 26-27: “Be angry, but don’t sin.” Don’t give the devil an opportunity to use that anger for his purposes.
[7] Cognate: 226 alētheúō (literally, "truthing") – speaking reality (truth) into a person's life, making a record of what God deems is truth (reality, fact). See 225(alētheia).
226 /alētheúō (literally, "to truth") includes Spirit-led confrontation where it is vital to tell the truth so others can live in God's reality rather than personal illusion. (HELPS Word Studies)
[8] “Intrinsically good, good in nature, good whether it be seen to be so or not” (Strong’s Concordance)
[9] This can included constructive criticism “that builds a person up to be the suitable dwelling place of God.” (HELPS Word Studies)
[10] A form of hatred; Hebrews 12:15 warns of a bitter root that produces bitter fruit.